Dental Jokes
Collections from the web
1- A young Dentist had just started his own Clinic. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the front office. Wishing to appear the "busy dentist", the gentleman picked
up the phone and started to pretend he had to give an appointment.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate
2- A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet
when you are finished? " The dentist replies " Sure you will! "
The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "
3- Dentists can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and they say, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
4- "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." -- Johnny Carson
5- Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
6- A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
7- Last week Grace went to the dentist's office for a checkup and music was playing.
She was early for her appointment, but after waiting ten minutes, an elderly woman
sitting beside her said, "isn't that just like a dentist? A waiting room jammed with people,and the dentist is in there playing the piano."
8- A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."
9- A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled,and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband
and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
10- Simon said...
Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
11- Man: "Darling, your teeth remind me of the stars"
Woman: "Because they gleam and sparkle"
Man: "No, because they come out at night!"
12-Actual Names of Practicing Dentists
Dr.Pullman, Dr.Filler, Dr.Fear, Dr.Rensch (pronounced wrench), Dr.Pick, Dr.Tusk, Dr. Drewel (pronounced "drool"),
Dr.Tucek (2thChk), Dr.Chu, Dr.Shugar, Dr.Pic, Dr.Pang, Dr.Butcher, Dr.Harm, Dr.Hurter, Dr.Toothaker, Dr.Lynch,
Dr.Root, Dr.Nasti, Dr.Paine/Payne/Pain (15 entries but notably Dr.Daryl B Payne = "There Will Be Pain"),
Dr.Smiley, Dr.Schotz, Dr.Hale (pronounced "hell" in southern), Dr.Bliss, Dr.Lancit, Dr.Gager, Dr. Eke
13- An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked.
"Mrs. Hopgood, your teeth are good for the next 50 years." the dentist beamed.
To which she replied, "What will they do without me?"
14- Bible verse hanging in a dental office:
Psalms 81:10:" . . . open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it."
15- A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal,
and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the
fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra
cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands
folded in her lap.The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that
they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has
always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she
replied... "Not yet...It's his turn with the teeth!"
16- When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist.
But a local lad quicky disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his
finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."
17- A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies,
"all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon
juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use
chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's
no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
18- Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
19- Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your
loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to
miss the 7 o'clock tennis game.
20- A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said,
"I want a tooth pulled.I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says,
"Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
21- Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?...
A month later he was picking his teeth
22- Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
23-What does the dentist of the year get?...A little plaque
24- What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers
25- What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself
26- What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...A molar bear
27- hat was the dentist doing in Panama?...Looking for the Root Canal
28- Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station
29- Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth
30- What did the dentist say to the computer?...This won't hurt a byte
31- Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it
32- What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?...Fill me in when you get back
33- Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen
the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient.
"I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
34- While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling.
Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed.
I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too."
When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained,
"Oh, that was just my Mother."
35- I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied.
"He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out again ?"
36- A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing how they will be restored
and what the fee would be the patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet
when you are finished? "
The dentist replies " Sure you will! "
The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "
37- Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too.
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
38- When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of
"Painless" dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates.
"He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."
39- Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"
40- Young Charlie to dentist's sexy chariside assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady orthodontist ?".
The lady replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth "
41- Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet? Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it
42- A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl's place
for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine that?"
The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."
43- Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor "
"Dentist" "Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"
44- Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."
45- A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation.
The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her.
She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the
required equipment. When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.
So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.
Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realizing that the dentist had begun glaring at her,
she said, "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists. Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."
Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair."
46- A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table,
he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said,
"I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair
of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said,
"I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair...try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local ."
47- Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth,
when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
48- Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.
49- A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
50- DENTIST is the most suitable male profession - the only man that can tell a
woman when to open and when to shut her mouth, and get away with it.
51- MY ELDERLY NEIGHBOR was promised a brief appointment with a dentist to have
her new dentures fitted. After waiting over an hour in the dental chair, she
complained to him about the long delay. "I guess you haven't noticed I have only
two hands," he answered curtly. Unmoved by his excuse, she replied, "You knew that
when you put me in the chair." --Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Darlene
Jackson
51- IN MY BUSY DENTAL OFFICE, I see several patients at the same time. As soon as
I finish with one, I run to the next room to resume treatment on another. One day,
I returned to a second patient without saying good-by to the first. As my first
patient was leaving, she gave a friendly wave. Acknowledging her, I said loudly,
"By." My other patient obediently chomped down and bit my fingers.
- Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Stiew Tan
52- A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth.
After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the
patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the
trumpet when you are finished? "
The dentist replies " Sure you will! "
The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "